Ask Donna? Why Does My Child Misbehave?

Q: Why Does My Child Misbehave?

A: There are reasons behind all behavior. Children want to to belong and feel accepted. They get that feeling of belonging through useful behavior and misbehavior. Here are some of the common goals of misbehavior:

· Attention

· Power

· Revenge

· Display Of Inadequacy

Children simply learn that a particular behavior works for them. Learning to identify the goal is the first step toward positive change. Ask yourself the following questions:

· How do I feel when misbehavior occurs?

· What do I do when misbehavior happens?

· How does child usually respond?

Think about the purpose of your reaction before responding to misbehavior; for example, parent feels upset or angry and usually argues/ fights back. Child continues to misbehave, defy, or does what was asked slowly or sloppily. The goal is Power.

After identifying the goal of misbehavior, the second step is to begin by responding differently. By responding differently child doesn't get the payoff or reaction expected, and you are not cooperating with the misbehavior. Refuse to argue or fight back—withdraw from the power contest. Instead, provide choices and follow through with the consequences of the choice. It shows respect for your child, fits the misbehavior, and is focused on a bad choice and not a bad kid.