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publication date: May 17, 2010
Ask Donna! Q: I have been catching my child in lies. It seems to be getting worse. Is there anything I can do to discourage the behavior? A: All children lie at one time or another. It is important to learn the motivation behind the behavior as it will guide your response from the perspective of focusing on the deed and not the doer. Ask Yourself, "What Is the Goal Of The Misbehavior? · Is it to get what they want? · Is it to protect themselves from others? · Is it to gain attention/praise or to impress? · Is it to enhance self esteem? · Is it to avoid punishment? Understanding the goal behind the misbehavior can help us learn what children want when they misbehave and can help us encourage more positive behavior. Some tips for encouraging positive behavior: · Explain how telling the truth lets others know child can be trusted. · Discuss examples of truthfulness taken from past experiences, books, or television. · Acknowledge and thank child for honesty/truthfulness before giving consequence. · Express concern rather than shame using an I-message. For example, "When you don't tell me the truth, I feel really disappointed because I've always been able to depend on what you say to me." In this way, you make feelings known and also appeal to child's sense of self-respect.
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Donna McGoff holds a Master of Science in Human Development, Counseling and Family Studies. She believes by building confidence, building better communication, and building stronger relationships - you can become a More Positive, Effective Parent. Donna's experience includes working with children for 28 years as a counselor, a teacher, and parent workshop presenter (STEP). She is the creator of Use Your I's, a board game, published by the Creative Therapy Store of the Western Psychological Service.